Worlds Away and Worlds Aweird Read online

  Suddenly he remembered a day on their journey when they had camped by a quiet pond and Luthinda had taken a quick bath without telling him. He had blundered into the small clearing where she was standing nude, drying herself. His reaction at the time had been the normal one of any male under like circumstances, and he had watched her until she dressed. As his mind returned to the present, he realized that he had experienced the same gallant reflex at the memory of the incident as at the original. Forcing his mind past the barriers to memory he had built, he remembered numerous small incidents where he had seen Luthinda nude or partially so. He wanted her—that was certain. But it was just as certain that he would do nothing about it, wasn’t it?

  Of course she had never seen him looking. Or had she? He had desired her, and his desire had manifested itself in physical symptoms, but he had never until this moment thought that she had exposed herself deliberately. No, that was impossible. What would a girl of eighteen want with an old Wizard who looked fifty and was really closer to one hundred and fifty? Ridiculous!

  Eudoric, you old fool, he told himself, the Sister was right. Not bad enough to be a lecher, now you try to convince yourself that she is interested in you. You are not a fit person to take care of a young girl, in spite of your promise to her mother. But she must have a choice, these Sisters must not be allowed to coerce her; you owe her that much. After you take care of this rain, you must get her out of the Convent if she wishes.

  He jumped to his feet and went back to work, forcing his thoughts away from Luthinda, attempting to locate the amulet and its controller. An hour later, he gazed through the incense fumes into his crystal and whistled softly. The amulet and controller were both in the palace, in the Royal Wing. The King’s apartment was there, along with the Prime Minister’s and the Archpriest’s, and that was all. This looked rough. He had better get Luthinda out of the Convent first so he would have her help available, he decided. Then, they would tackle the amulet and its owner. Quickly he threw tools in a pack, slipped into his waterproof cloak, and left the Palace.

  An hour later he knocked on the door of the Convent. His demands for Luthinda were denied, and a long argument ensued. He was still arguing when a pair of Guardsmen snuck up behind him silently and knocked him unconscious.

  When he regained consciousness, Eudoric found himself gagged and tied into a chair. Opposite him were two men. He tried to move his hands, but they were tied tightly. The gag, too, was very effective.

  Seeing that Eudoric was awake, the man on the left spoke. “Greetings, Sir Wizard, or is it Sir Fool? Allow me to introduce us. I am Rendell, the Prime Minister of Leber, and this is Slebol, the Archpriest of the Temple. Oh, one other introduction.” He took hold of a gold chain around his neck and drew a small object out of his shirt. “This is the amulet you seem so interested in. Isn’t it lovely?”

  At the sight of the amulet, Eudoric struggled harder against his bonds.

  Watching him, Rendell said, “I apologize for the discomfort, but we know all too well how much you can do with just a few words and a few finger gestures. You won’t be tied up long, though. You’ll be freed as soon as we get you in the special cell in the dungeons. A very special cell.” He looked at the Archpriest, who nodded in agreement. “Yes, very special, strong, and enchanted so no Wizard without his tools can break out.”

  Slebol added, “With good company, too, yes. The King will be in the very next cell, overthrown for not stopping the rain, yes. We will stop the rain, yes, soon enough, and rule the Kingdom together, but you will be dead, yes. You and the King. Not your doxie, though, no, no. She will be a Sister, a very special Sister, yes. One of the special group that ministers to the comfort of the Archpriest and his assistants. A Holy Courtesan, yes.”

  Eudoric tried again to break loose.

  The Prime Minister saw him and said, “Please, relax, don’t hurt yourself struggling, it won’t do any good. Soon you’ll be in your cell and the bonds will come off.” Then, looking past Eudoric, he said, “Guards, take this man down to the dungeon and put him in the special cell. Treat him gently. His only crime is meddling where he isn’t wanted and he is to die for it, don’t make it any worse.”

  The guards lifted Eudoric and carried him out.

  As soon as he was in the cell and his bonds were off, Eudoric set to work to test what Rendell had said about his cell. He soon discovered it was true. The cell was proof against any spell he could manage with only fingers and voice. With his bag of tools it would have been easy to break out, but without tools he was helpless. The jailers took great pains to keep him that way. Even the food was served without utensils, to be eaten with fingers. It was piled on a hollowed half-loaf of bread, which served first as a plate and then as a final course.

  At first Eudoric was alone, but after several days the guards placed the King in the cell across from him. Eudoric bowed and said, “Greetings, Your Majesty. Sad I am to see you here, yet pleased to have company after days of solitude.”

  The King looked startled. “So this is where you are, Wizard. The story being told is that you and your helper took a large advance in gold from the Chancellor and forthwith left the kingdom. Yet, where is your helper? I see her not.”

  “No, Your Majesty. She is imprisoned in a convent ten miles from the castle. I went there to free her, and I was struck down from behind. I woke, bound and gagged, in the presence of Rendell and Slebol, and a short time later found myself down here.”

  “Rendell and Slebol!” The King spat. “For what it is worth, since I too am in the dungeon instead of on the throne, I invoke the King’s High Justice to declare both guilty of High Treason. I brand both outlaws, to be brought down on sight by any law-abiding man.”

  “I thank Your Majesty, and for what they have done to my apprentice and myself, I would love to be the one to strike them down. But I fear we are stuck here for now, and as to later, well, Rendell spoke of hanging.”

  The King was looking all around. “I had no idea these dungeons were this bad. They haven’t been used since my grandfather’s day. And these insects! Cockroaches scuttle to and fro. Would that we were as free!”

  “Alas, Sire, I know a spell to shrink us to their size, but it is one that needs much special preparation, many powders. I cannot do it here. Some spells are easy, I could turn us into giants with a gesture, but what good would it do us?”

  “None, I fear.”

  The two men lapsed into silence.

  After a while, the King asked, “Sir Wizard, I am curious. Why is it that the shrinking spell requires many powders and special things, but the growing spell does not?”

  “Your Majesty, many Wizards have debated that. We conclude that it is the nature of living things to grow. It is easy to exaggerate the natural growth, but hard to go against nature and make things shrink. Beyond that, we know not. There is much in magic that just works, we don’t understand why.”

  “Well, if it is easy to make things grow, create a giant cockroach and frighten the jailers.”

  “If Your Majesty desires, but I suspect we would just miss our meals.”

  “Too true. Forget giant cockroaches, the little ones are ugly enough.”

  “Wait!” Eudoric stood lost in thought for several minutes. “I have heard that insects are far stronger—for their size—than men. Perhaps a giant cockroach could break through the bars.”

  He looked around the floor and selected one. A quick gesture, a few words, and suddenly he was sharing the cell with a ten-foot-long insect. The cockroach panicked at finding itself caged, attacked the bars with its mandibles, and rapidly tore the front of the cell to shreds.

  “Marvelous!” cried the King. “Now get me out.”

  Eudoric enlarged an insect in the King’s cell, and soon it too tore its way loose. A spell intended for guiding plow oxen sufficed to control the beasts, so he enlarged more and sent them roaring down the corridor to the dungeon entrance and through it with a rending crash. The two men followed. Outside they sep
arated, the King to raise up a troop of Armsmen he knew to still be loyal, Eudoric to return to the convent for Luthinda. This time, however, he felt he would make more of an impression, thundering up on a herd of ten-foot cockroaches.

  He was right about making more of an impression. After the first two beasts hit the gate at full gallop and stove it in, no one was inclined to resist him. He grabbed the first Sister he saw and demanded, “Take me to the girl Luthinda!”

  The frightened woman rapidly led him to a plain unmarked door and said, “She is in there, sir, but I think not alone. Slebol the Archpriest and Rendell the Prime Minister were visiting her, and at least one is still there as best as I know.”

  Eudoric opened the door and stepped in. Luthinda was sitting on the edge of the bed, apparently unharmed. She was watching Slebol, who was on the floor, writhing and moaning in pain. His left hand clutched his groin, and his right arm hung limply at an unnatural angle which testified to a dislocated shoulder.

  Then Luthinda saw Eudoric. She jumped to her feet, crossed the room in a single bound, threw her arms around him, and kissed him. After a few minutes she pulled her face back and said, “Thank goodness you came to rescue me. I was so worried!”

  Eudoric looked at the figure on the floor. “You seem to have been doing pretty well here.”

  “Well, once there was only one, it wasn’t too bad. But we have to do something about Rendell.”

  “Where is he, and what do you suggest we do?”

  “He’s heading north. When word arrived that his plan had failed and that you and the King were free, he said something about escaping to the Kingdom of Argolt, north of Leber. Argolt has stationed troops on the border, and if Rendell reaches them, he can use the amulet to make a deal. I don’t know how we can catch him, though, he said he has the fastest horse in the kingdom.”

  “Don’t worry! I got here on a herd of ten-foot cockroaches, much faster than a horse.”

  “Ten-foot cockroaches? Oh, Master, this I have to see. But wait, there’s one more thing to do here.” She went over to Slebol and ran her hands over him.

  Eudoric had the impression that several objects made their way into Luthinda’s possession, but it was so fast he couldn’t be sure. When she finished searching him, she moved his protecting left hand and kicked him solidly between the legs. Slebol screamed once and passed out. Satisfied, she headed for the door.

  Eudoric winced and said, “Did you have to do that?”

  She answered, “Well, no, I didn’t have to, but it was very satisfying. Besides—” her voice took on a savage tone “—he can be thankful I wasn’t in the mood for collecting souvenirs in addition to a few useful items, or he would have had naught there to kick.”

  Eudoric shivered a bit and followed her out the door. He was beginning to understand why Luthinda had been single at an age when most girls had been married long enough to have become mothers. She must have scared off most suitors. Still, if one weren’t squeamish, she did have a certain charm…

  Even with the greater speed of the cockroaches, they were very close to the border before they caught sight of Rendell through the driving rain.

  “This is going to be close,” said Luthinda. “What are we to do if we catch him?”

  “Whatever we can. The King has declared him an outlaw, guilty of High Treason, so we can kill him if we have to. I imagine we’ll have to eventually anyway, to break the amulet spell.”

  “Good. That improves our chances.”

  They were now about fifty feet behind Rendell, closing slowly, but they could see the troops of Argolt massed across the border less than a quarter mile ahead. Luthinda’s arm whipped up, then down, and suddenly Rendell’s back sprouted the hilt of a dagger. He jerked upright, and then slowly slid sideways out of the saddle. His foot remained caught in the stirrup, and the horse, disliking the dragging body, stopped.

  When Eudoric and Luthinda drew up and dismounted, Rendell was still alive, but just barely. The amulet had popped out of his shirt and was lying on the ground, its chain still around the outlaw’s neck.

  Luthinda looked at the man and said, “He’s as good as dead, I’ll grant him mercy.” She pulled the dagger from his back and cut his throat with it. Wiping the dagger on his cloak, she commented, “Slebol was a rat, but he had good taste in knives,” and made it disappear.

  Immediately, as the life drained out of Rendell, the rain began to slacken. The amulet was somehow shrinking, melting, slowly subliming into thin air. Across the border, the enemy troops saw the death of their plans with the death of Rendell, and, with a few glances at the cockroaches, they too began melting away.

  Eudoric turned to Luthinda and said, “Well, that’s over. But now we have to do something about the way we’re living.”

  Luthinda asked, “What do you mean? What’s wrong? You are the Wizard, I am the apprentice.”

  “But you saw, everyone assumed you were my doxie, my mistress. Think of your reputation.”

  “A fig on my reputation. Not everyone is so dumb as these people.” Her eyes were starting to glisten with tears.

  “Luthinda, there are many more stupid people in the world than otherwise, and some of them may cause us trouble if we go on as we have been. Worse, I find that I am thinking the same sort of thoughts as others. I am not sure I can even trust myself not to take advantage of a young girl. Not just any girl, a niece!”

  “Niece? Third or fourth cousin is more like it. And as far as taking advantage of me, I can care for myself.”

  Eudoric thought briefly of Slebol and Rendell and silently agreed. But then he stiffened his resolve and continued, “No, I fear we will have to break up. I will forgive you your vows of apprenticeship and find you a suitable station, so I will not be breaking my pledge to your mother to keep you safe.”

  Tears were streaming down Luthinda’s face now. “I don’t want to give up my vows. I like being your apprentice. I have wanted to be an apprentice, your apprentice, ever since you visited us when I was eight. Please don’t do this to me!”

  “Luthinda, I don’t want to let you go either. But an old man and a young maid traveling together will always cause comment and trouble. If I could find another solution, I would. But I think you will have to renounce your vows and leave me.”

  Suddenly a flicker of a smile crossed her teary face. “Eudoric, I do have another solution.”

  He looked at her in surprise. This was the first time he could remember her addressing him by name. It had always been “Master” and before that “Uncle.”

  “Well, if you have a solution, let’s hear it.”

  “Instead of giving up my vows, I would take more vows to you. And you would also take vows to me.” Her smile was brighter now.

  “I don’t understand,” he said. “How can you take vows to me, and at the same time, I take vows to you? That doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Oh, you dunce! Marriage vows. I’m talking about marriage. I would be your wife and your apprentice too.”

  Eudoric stood there, stunned. Marry Luthinda? Have a wife who was also his apprentice? An apprentice who was also his wife? It was unheard of. Suddenly he realized that this was indeed what he wanted, more than anything else in the world. Whatever life with Luthinda would be like, it would definitely not be dull.

  He said, “Luthinda, will you marry me?” Then, not even giving her a chance to answer, knowing already what her answer would be, he took her in his arms and kissed her.

  Unnoticed by either of them, the amulet had been shrinking and the rain stopping. Now, as they kissed, the last little bit of the amulet vanished. The clouds parted, and the first ray of sunshine to be seen in the kingdom for months shone down on the happy couple.

  Half a Photograph

  [Vampires can’t be seen in mirrors. What else?]

  BOB TALBOT WAS ONLY HALF AWAKE and was having trouble figuring out what all the noise was. He shook his head a few times, and finally decided that someone was banging on his front door. Every
once in a while, the banging stopped and whoever it was leaned on the doorbell for ten or twenty seconds, then went back to banging.

  Bob took a bleary look at the clock. 7:34. Being a bit of a night owl, he usually slept until half past eight, or even nine, but apparently whoever was at the door kept a different schedule. He decided he’d better go see what was going on, swung his feet onto the floor, stood up, and started out of the bedroom. Just in time, he realized that answering the door in the nude, the way he slept, probably wasn’t a good idea. He grabbed yesterday’s boxers off the floor where he’d thrown them when he went to bed, put them on, and added a bathrobe that hung over the back of a chair. Not exactly formal, but it would have to do.

  When he got to the front door and opened it, he found two policemen standing there.

  “Mr. Robert Talbot?” the one in front asked. His nametag read “Sgt. Piper.”

  “Yeah, that’s me. Bob Talbot. Is there a problem?”

  “Mr. Talbot, we need to ask you a few questions. Yes, there’s a problem, and we have evidence that you were at or near the scene.”

  “Okay, come on in.” Bob stepped back to let the policemen in, then led them to the living room. He waved the officers to the couch, and plopped down in his favorite recliner. “So, what do you need to know about?”

  “Mr. Talbot, did you go to a party at—” the officer paused to consult his notebook “—at six fifteen Emerald Drive on Tuesday night, and were you there around one a.m.?”

  “Tuesday? Yeah, that was Greg’s bash. He just got word he passed his orals. I think I left about two, so yes, I would still have been there around one.”

  The Sergeant dug out a sheet of paper and handed it to Bob. “Would you please take a look at this photo and tell me about it?”

  Bob looked at the picture. “Well, it certainly looks like a picture of me. I’m pretty sure that’s Greg’s rec room, and I can see the clock over the bar showing a few minutes after one. But I already told you I was there, what difference does it make?”